RSS

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Norfolk. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases ... massively.
 
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.
 
Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
 
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank, (subsequently of course fired due to his negativity), decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
 
However, they cannot pay back the debts and Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%.
 
PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
 
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
 
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
 
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.
Read

You and Your Family are Invited...

To a Holiday Ice Skating Party!
 

Sponsored by Telf Maynard and Dexter Associates Realty.

Cookies, Hot Chocolate, Hot Cider, and Santa will be provided!

(We also have a limited number of skates available).

Please RSVP with numbers by December 15th to Telf Maynard:

Office: 604-263-1144
Cell: 604-264-8353
Email: telf@telf.ca

I look forward to skating with you!
 
And bring your cameras! Santa is a pretty good skater, but a little out of practice, so there could be some interesting moments!

Donations of non-perishable food items will also be accepted for the Vancouver Food Bank.
Read
Categories:   comedy | news stories
Reciprocity Logo The data relating to real estate on this website comes in part from the MLS® Reciprocity program of either the Greater Vancouver REALTORS® (GVR), the Fraser Valley Real Estate Board (FVREB) or the Chilliwack and District Real Estate Board (CADREB). Real estate listings held by participating real estate firms are marked with the MLS® logo and detailed information about the listing includes the name of the listing agent. This representation is based in whole or part on data generated by either the GVR, the FVREB or the CADREB which assumes no responsibility for its accuracy. The materials contained on this page may not be reproduced without the express written consent of either the GVR, the FVREB or the CADREB.